Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about discipline, and how I want to raise my children to have an intrinsic moral code to guide their own behavior and make good choices in life, and what disciplinary tactics would be most effective at doing this.
At a recent training I attended, a speaker shared a story about how she dealt with a child in her care who was stealing. When the child produced a toy that she knew he had stolen and said that his teacher had given him the toy, rather than confronting him about his dishonesty and punishing him for the lie and the theft, she took a more clever approach. “Oh, how nice of her!” she exclaimed. “Let’s go back and thank her for it!” Can’t you just see the child squirm? The natural consequence of getting caught in his lie was far more effective than any punishment she could have inflicted on him when it came to making him think twice before doing the same thing again.
It reminded me of Little House. (Then again, what doesn’t?)
I thought about the time when Laura disobeyed Pa’s instruction not to go to the swimming hole without him. Since nobody ever would have known that Laura disobeyed, Pa and Ma had certainly instilled some of this self-discipline in Laura already, or her consience wouldn’t have pricked her so provokingly that she finally went and confessed. But the way Pa handled that incident has always impressed me.
He identified the natural consequence that resulted from Laura’s misbehavior — now Pa and Ma can’t trust her. Then he created a “punishment” to solve the problem: “If you can’t be trusted, then you must be watched.” Rather than inflicting arbitrary misery upon Laura that had nothing to do with what she had done wrong, Pa carefully applied a punishment that would teach the natural consequences that come from making poor choices.
This isn’t the first time Pa did this, of course. Think about in Little House on the Prairie, when Laura and Mary merely thought about disobeying Pa and untying Jack when Indians went into the house and they were afraid for Ma and Carrie. There was no need to punish them as they didn’t disobey, but Pa takes even that opportunity to help them understand the consequences if they had disobeyed him: Jack would have bitten the Indians and then there would have been big trouble. The straw stack is another example where instead of punishing the girls, Pa again explains the consequences of their behavior: the animals would have no food for the winter.
I wish I were clever enough to instantly react with fair punishments that would instill self-discipline in my children in the future, but I fear that I won’t think fast enough. So I reflect on the examples of these wise parents who have gone before, such as Charles and Caroline Ingalls, and try to learn from them.
I’m sure you’ve all known someone who knew just how to handle a sticky situation with a child with a clever and effective disciplinary measure such as Laura’s having to be watched. Perhaps you yourself are that wise person! Would you please share your stories of “Little House” style discipline so we can all learn from more examples!? Just think if we were all as successful in raising such respectful and obedient children as the Ingalls girls were… what a lovelier world it would be.