It’s been a year since my mom passed away…a long and oftentimes very difficult year.
My mother was in poor health after she broke her leg several years ago and just wasn’t able to live her life the way she once had. After she died, I mourned not only losing her, but also that she had never been able to recover fully.
After the funeral and after it was time to get back to “normal”, I wrote on my own personal blog about missing her:
I think that everyone thinks that it’s just time to move on. I can’t. Not yet. All I wanted to do today was sleep. I know that’s not a good thing, but when I slept I could dream of her and she was still here and could walk and could hug me and hum a little song like she did when I was a small child.
My friend Rebecca (of right here at Beyond Little House) wrote the following comment:
Your words remind me of Little House. (What else is new?) Just think of Mrs. Bradley’s beautiful sad song… forgive me if I err on any of the words, just writing from memory here:
Backward, turn backward, oh time in thy flight,
Make me a child again just for tonight.
Mother, come back from the echoless shore,
Take me again to thy heart as of yore.
Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care
Wash the few silver strands out of my hair
Over my slumber your loving watch keep.
Rock me to sleep, Mother, rock me to sleep.
I found such comfort in, not only the words, but also the direction that Rebecca was aiming me…the direction where she knew that I needed to go. I replied to Rebecca that it had been my wish to escape to somewhere “Laura” for a few days and it just wasn’t possible at that time. She suggested that I can escape, even if only to the pages of her books. And I did just that, as I had done so many other times in my life.
But those words “Backward, turn backward”…they just would not escape my thoughts. I had to know more and so began my search. It really didn’t take long before I found what I was looking for in the pages of a book I had gotten and put away on one of my bookshelves – The Best Loved Poems of the American People Selected by Hazel Felleman. Maybe some of you already know this. It never occurred to me to look further than the pages of Little Town on the Prairie until those sad words somehow comforted me when I needed them most. The words that Mrs. Bradley sang on that night so many years ago had been written as a poem entitled, “Rock Me To Sleep” and I’d like to share them with you. I also made another discovery, but I’ll save that for another day.
Rock Me to Sleep
by: Elizabeth Akers Allen
Backward turn backward, O time, in your flight,
Make me a child again just for to-night!
Mother, come back from the echoless shore,
Take me again to your heart as of yore;
Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care,
Smooth the few silver threads out of my hair,
Over my slumbers your loving watch keep; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep!
Backward, flow backward, oh, tide of the years!
I am so weary of toil and of tears –
Toil without recompense, tears all in vain –
Take them, and give me my childhood again!
I have grown weary of dust and decay –
Weary of flinging my soul-wealth away;
Weary of sowing for others to reap; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep!
Tired of the hollow, the base, the untrue,
Mother, O Mother, my heart calls for you!
Many a summer the grass has grown green,
Blossomed and faded, our faces between;
Yet, with strong yearning and passionate pain,
Long I to-night for your presence again.
Come from the silence so long and so deep; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep!
Over my heart, in the days that are flown,
No love like mother-love ever was shown;
No other worship abides and endures, –
Faithful, unselfish, and patient like yours;
None like a mother can charm away pain
From the sick soul and the world-weary brain,
Slumber’s soft calms o’er my heavy lids creep; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep!
Come, let your brown hair, just lighted with gold,
Fall on your shoulders again as of old;
Let it drop over my forehead to-night,
Shading my faint eyes away from the light;
For with its sunny-edged shadows once more
Haply will throng the sweet vision of yore:
Lovingly, softly, its bright billows sweep; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep!
Mother, dear Mother, the years have been long
Since I last hushed to your lullaby song;
Sing then, and unto my soul it shall seem
Womanhood’s years have been only a dream,
Clasped to your heart in a loving embrace,
With your light lashes just sweeping my face,
Never hereafter to wake or to weep; –
Rock me to sleep, Mother – rock me to sleep
Thank you, Rebecca, for being a friend…
